The inner critic

Each day that I don't write or post something, I feel like I shorted you on a promise.

I've thought and dealt a lot with self-criticism, and I feel like I have a handle on it. In the past, reading over a first draft or an older written piece would unleash him - the inner critic. So much so, that I would be hesitant to write something new, because I knew he would be reading it, eventually.

And he would have things to say.

So I have accepted the fact that I tend to judge myself harshly. I'm actively working to combat that. I let the writing or photography just be. Then, I can work to help it out later, not attack it.

But then, I get a little burst of ideas followed by a burst of no-ideas, and I sense someone else sees and judges those bursts. Not my inner critic, of course, but someone different. The face is of someone I know, but don't keep close. An amalgam of several faces really, acquaintances who, I'm sure, see right through what I'm trying to do and wait for me to fall off or quit. They are the able, the disciplined, the endlessly devoted. They are honestly very impressive in their steadfastness to the craft.

And they are, of course, not real.

I caught you, inner critic! Sneaking around this dented brain cage, pretending to be a pro when you are really just a con. It's comfortable for me to fail, because that means you are safe - from this risk of honesty.